Hello All,

I'm new to this site and have been an SGI member for almost 2 years. Even though I'm enjoyed meeting other members and attending meetings.  My practice seems like it's stuck. I'm chanting every morning and night and during the day. However I feel like I'm in the worst place in my life. I seem to be going from job to job not know where I fit in. My finances are a mess and can hardly put food on the table. Although I do have a roof a truck and I am working. I feel so disconnected, sad and depressed. I don't know what to do except chant. I'm trying to wrap my head around this that I read in ON ATTAINING BUDDHAHOOD IN THIS LIFETIME ---> No expedient or provisional teaching leads directly to enlightenment, and without the direct path to enlightenment you cannot attain Buddhahood, even if you practice lifetime after lifetime for countless kalpas. Attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime is then impossible. Therefore, when you chant myoho and recite renge, you must summon up deep faith that Myoho renge-kyo is your life itself.

How do I summon up deep faith that Myoho renge-kyo is my life itself.

and also this.

“Unless one perceives the nature of one’s life, one cannot eradicate one’s grave offenses. This passage implies that, unless one perceives the nature of one’s life, one’s practice will become an endless, painful austerity.

This is the way I'm feeling, that I'm not summoning up deep faith and my practice is an endless painful austerity.

Some background. I was an alcoholic and stopped in my late 20's then I replaced it with sex addiction and stopped that addiction after 20+ years 2 year ago before I discovered Buddhism, so now the karma of all that is really hitting me hard. I can't seem to stop these feelings of deep pain. No matter how much I chant attend meetings the just pain keeps kicking up, it's not only about the addiction. It's about who am I what is life all about what is the point to anything if I can't put food on the table, working a job that I can't stand and all these painful emotions.

I hope all this makes sense

Need allot of Daimoku

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Ron

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