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Hi there, I just want to share that in the past my relationship with my boyfriend has been going along fine, but since we live together he has recently taken to very vocally objecting if I plan to go to an SGI meeting, as if I am neglecting him. So I spend the time with him, and also chant for him everyday, about 15 minutes. He has chanted just a little bit before. My sister thinks he is serving as sansho shima to my practice right now, especially as I am trying to break through in other areas. Can someone please advise me on how to deal with this, and chant about this? Its getting really hard, and I am wondering if I should continue in the relationship.
Thank you sincerely.
He may or may NOT be interested in coming to a meeting, so maybe you can ask a few sgi leaders or members to come over home-visit you and they can meet with him (ask him first) and answer any questions or concerns he has about the practice. There's no reason why you can't have this relationship with him while balancing your buddhist practice or going to buddhist meetings and if he's being 'unreasonable' in some way, you also have to stand up for yourself too. Does he himself go out for activities with his friends, to go bowling or something, sports that you don't necessarily 'share with him, or whatever he does outside of your relationship? IF he does, then check with him about why he would object to what you do?
Friend of mine married a man and which she knew he somewhat objected to her practice, then ended up for years having to practice by herself because he vehemently would NOT agree to her SGI activities. IT took about 6-7 years, the first 4-5 practicing secretly by herself, before he began to loosen up. Now she goes to meetings, not frequently, but enough for her, made her stand up in her personal practice, and her children 6 and 9 years old KNOW how to do gongyo. He still won't go to meetings but she completely changed the situation around. But it was her inner determination and strength that got her through. Hope you don't have to go through what she had to go through.
I appreciate the responses I've received. Dan, thank you. It sounds like your friend had a hard experience. Can't imagine having to practice in secret, yet I understand people sometimes do.
Cards out on the table, no hidden agendas, everything up front and honest. Flush out the insecurities that gums up a relationship (greed, anger, ignorance). It's your karma to have him in your life, here's an opportunity for you to create some human revolution.
This is such a nuanced situation it's hard to comment. Please discuss this with a leader close to you.
A couple of ideas, though:
The more proof of benefit you show in your life as a result of SGI activities, the happier one would expect your boyfriend to be about your going. Is there a good balance between your home, work & activities? Are you cheerful when you get home after a meeting? Do you feel revitalized by your meeting? If not, what can be done so that all members feel refreshed and bring that back to thier daily lives?
He may or may not be the right one for your life. Only you can decide. In general, if he can feel your high life condition come through as a result of your strong practice he should complain less.
I hope that helps some, please keep challenging and become absolutely happy.
Hi Carrie....I just open my account here and I saw this discussion....I like to share with you some guidance I remember about this matter....First, You should never quarrel over matters of faith with your partner. Even though he may not be a member - and so is unable to fully understand your faith - if you yourself are carrying out a consistent practice based on strong faith, you will eventually extend your power of faith to your partner. This is due to the powerful workings of the Mystic Law. There is no need whatsoever for you to be overly anxious for him to begin practicing, or to feel disappointment if he is presently unable to do so. Rather, seeing things from the long-range view, have confidence that he is heading in the direction of faith. Remember the Guidance of Sensei Ikeda...." Two people who are in love should be full of vitality, guided by the Mystic Law. They should pursue the kind of love that will win the admiration of others. They should not have the kind of relationship which prevents their advancement in faith or impedes their self-reformation or makes them stand out like two birds frolicking in the darkness."
Hi Everyone, I have come over an interesting essay by Shin Yatomi about What love is not .... I am looking for that book, "Buddhism In New Light" anyone can help me getting one? Thanks
Hi everyone, I just come across Ikeda Sensei "Words Of Wisdom" about Love and Marriage. Hope this can help