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Permalink Reply by Bob Mann on July 1, 2010 at 4:31am

Hi Carrie, you are fortunate to have such a wise sister. It must be tough being in a relationship where the other person is suppressing your life force, trying to hold you back from your dreams, and possessive at the same time. In a healthy relationship the other person would be supportive of the goals and successes of the other person.

There is an old post on this board that dealt with a relationship issue that might be insightful for you to read. It's at this link....

http://www.sgibuddhism.org/forum/topics/he-told-me-i-had-to-chooseh...

It's difficult to say how you should chant about this, other than to express your true feelings about the situation while chanting. You might be amazed at the answers you receive.

President Ikeda has this to say about relationships: “We can lose ourselves in romantic attachment, but the truth is, the euphoria is unlikely to last for long. Indeed, the likelihood of undergoing suffering and sadness only grows over time. As long as we remain unable to redress our own weaknesses, we will be miserable no matter where or to whom we may take flight. We can never become truly happy unless we ourselves undergo a personal transformation."

The personal transformation he is talking about is our own Human Revolution. It's the "actions" we take to improve our life condition. It's our dreams and our goals that we strive for. Those are the things that make and bring us our happiness, along with faith in the Daishonin's teachings.

I would say that if your partner doesn't want to come along for the journey, to be totally supportive of you and at the same time have ambitions of his own, then maybe he should be left in the dust. Just my thoughts. I know you'll work it out. Ever advancing, never looking back....

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Permalink Reply by Carrie on July 5, 2010 at 2:24pm

Thank you Bob, I read and reread the discussions on this topic, and appreciate the effort it took to dig the reference up. Hopefully I have a better understanding of the circumstances which are in play. If my boyfriend decides to practice and to also fully support me in what I value, then this would be a most joyful development. My sister advised me to pray that he will chant. In the meantime, he continues to be upset, negative, and sarcastic, and I've been doing my best to listen to him in a humanistic way whilst side-stepping possibly abusive turns in the conversation. I think that he is suffering, and I am feeling it and don't want to add to it.

Prior to these events, I had been chanting about human revolution and about an improvement in my environment, just half-realizing that this could bring about an end to our relationship. Also I had dramatically increased my buddhist study efforts, reading from the Gosho EVERY day and listening to those encouraging buddhist podcasts put out by Jason Jarrett. Right now I am working through the recordings of The Reluctant Buddhist by Mr Woollard. These have helped me immeasurably. If there are any other perspectives though, I really need them right now. Its been pretty tough. Any prayers too would be accepted with my deepest gratitude.
Thank you very much,
Carrie

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Permalink Reply by Mimi the Snapdiva on July 8, 2010 at 6:17am

I am right there with you my myoho sister. My live in significant other put me out of the house on 7/1- briefly homeless, now housesitting. He is also a member. We have had an on again, off again relationship for the last 3 1/2 yrs
Relationships are tough. Throughout it all, I have continued to send him daimoku and chant for his happiness.
More importantly, I have focused upon developing my life, becoming stronger in my life, opening my heart to dialogue. The toughest people to listen to can be the one's most closest to us. Just chant to connect to his heart- far more effective than persuasive words and heated discussions. Life is just a moment...so enjoy it! Check off the box and find the joy!

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Permalink Reply by Carrie on July 8, 2010 at 2:20pm

Hi Mimi,

Thank you for the guidance. Daimoku coming your way! When one chants to connect with someone else's heart, is this very different from chanting to understand that person's heart? I'm trying to picture what an example of connecting to someone's heart in action means. I believe I know, but am not clear.

Here is a poem you might appreciate at present, if you are not already acquainted with it. It is about spiritual toughness during tough times. The poet is Robert Pinsky, former Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress during President Clinton's administration. It is especially effective when read aloud, and I had to retype it based on my transcription from an oral reading. It might inspire you...I hope you enjoy it.

Samurai Song
by Robert Pinsky

When I had no roof, I made audacity my roof
When I had no supper, my eyes dined
When I had no eyes, I listened
When I had no ears, I thought
When I had no thought, I waited
When I had no father, I made care my father
When I had no mother, I embraced order
When I had no friend, I made quiet my friend
When I had no enemy, I opposed my body
When I had no temple, I made my voice my temple
I have no priest, my tongue is my choir
When I have no means, fortune is my means
When I have nothing, death will be my fortune
Need is my tactic, detachment is my strategy
When I had no lover, I courted my sleep.

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Permalink Reply by Mimi the Snapdiva on July 9, 2010 at 12:43am

The most amazing thing- my significant other and I have been chanting for each other since I left on July 1st. We saw each other at the Community Center and on another occasion (he brought me a walking stick I had left at the house). Also talked twice on the phone.
He is cooking dinner for me tomorrow.
Chanting for the best possible connection to this dear man. I am not sure what that will be:)

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