My work experience

"Hope becomes the energy for advance that repels adversity."

My experience is about work. I have been practicing this Buddhism for nearly 26 years now, and in that time I have had many jobs which have
sustained my life. I trained as an opera singer, as a young woman,
attending the Duke Ellington School of the Performing Arts, but I
never had the confidence to continue with this path as a career. I
have always had interesting jobs, from a Montessori nanny, working
with UNICEF as youth support worker in Lebanon to a much acclaimed
life model, with a painting of me, winning the BP portrait award in
1995.

But when I had my children my life changed very much it was my dream to be a stay at home mom and I was very fortunate to do this for many
years. But after the birth of my 3^rd
child things began to change. Many years prior to this I had had
guidance with Ricky Banes, who was then the leader of SGI UK. He had
told me that I had to find a career, a job in which I could show
actual proof of my practice and contribute to society. I informed
that I was a 'professional Buddhist' that I supported people in
faith, and that was my job. He laughed and told me I was just like
his daughter and that one day the fortune that had supported me as a
child, would run out, and that I had to, in a nut shell, begin to
show actual proof in my life so that others could see the power of
this practice in my life.

I left this guidance in the back of my head for years, but after the birth of my 3^rd
child and our move back to the UK from Spain, I realized that I
needed to act on it. My relationship with my daughters father was
consistently in consistent and I wanted to be able to support my
children regardless of him being there or not. When we were together
he supported us and when we were not, I received benefits. I wanted
to end my dependence on others and I also wanted to move my family
back to Barcelona, where I had lived and had my last child. I chanted
many hours and supported many members with my whole life over the
first two years of my time back in the UK. In my heart, through out
that time, all I wanted was to be back in Spain, and I told very one,
but I could see no way back as I had no way to support myself and my
three children.

One day, while in the states, I chanted deeply to see a clear path for my life and for a way to make my dreams of going back to Spain a
reality. While on the internet, I came across the website for the
City of Bristol College. They had an access course into midwifery.
This interested me, as I had been a doula (Birth support) for a few
friends in the past and many years previously, I had thought of
becoming a midwife, but the hours put me off.

The experience of having my last child, with some amazing natural birth Homeopathic midwives in Spain, had made me see a greater value in
midwifery. I now understood, it was not just about delivering babies,
but about supporting a woman and her partner through a time of great
time and transformation and into parenthood. I had always been
interested in birth and I felt that the time centering around birth
was very important to how we lived and that peaceful birth, birth
with dignity had a deep effect on how we viewed the value of life.

To make a long story short, I did the access course, which took my a year and a half because I freaked out over the exams and dropped out
the end of the first year, but returned and passed them the next
year. I was accepted on the midwifery course at UWE, which was a
massive benefit as 3000 women had applied for only 50 places! And
although I am no academic and this is a very academic course, I am
now in my final year of my 3 year degree and I have managed to pass
every module in my course, even under the most trying circumstances.
This was no easy feet. My course id a full time degree course and we
also train full time in practice. I mentioned once to a nurse who
works in the A&E department, that I was doing my midwifery
training, and he said, he was amazed as he could never do it. Over
the 50 women chosen for the course, 27 of us are left.

During the last 2 and ½ years, I have had to push my life forward more that I could imagine to make the impossible possible so that I could male
it through this course. I have practiced with a strength I did not
know I had, to keep up with what was asked of me as a student,
mother, Buddhist leader and friend. And through this time I have held
one dream close to my heart, to move back to Barcelona and work with
the midwives who looked after me when I had my daughter.

I have always kept my ties to Barcelona and made a lovely friendship with the woman who founded the clinic. Over the years, I have kept
her up to date with how my course was doing and dropped hints about
wanting to work with her. In April of this year I had the chance to
do my elective placement with her midwives in Barcelona. I knew that
this was not just a placement but in fact a 2 week long job
interview. I had chanted many hours of daimoku to get to this point
and it was finally happening.

I have to say, I was terrified. I had made the absolute determination that I would, somehow, make my dream a reality but when it came to
it, I had no idea how to do it. I realized, two days before going to
Spain, that my Spanish was crap, and that I would not be able to
communicate or understand well enough to show them I was a good
midwife. Many negative thoughts crept into my mind, even, oh I am too
fat, they will never hire a fat midwife I should stay home. But I did
not stay home, I went to Barcelona.

My time with these midwives was amazing! The midwives I worked with, spoke perfect English, as they were trained in the UK and my Spanish
became stronger each day. Working with these amazing women, I knew
with out a doubt that I had to work with them. On my 5^th
day with them, I broached the subject of moving back to Barcelona and
working there.

They informed me that no hospital would take me unless I did another years work in a British hospital, as I needed to learn a few more things.
They told me that even to work with them I would have to learn to
cannulate and suture because this was very important when doing home
births.

I was gutted, I felt my joy fade from my life, I did not want to stay another year in the UK and I did not want to work in a hospital, I
hated this aspect of midwifery. I had lost, I had to wait another
year, when I had determined to go straight there. I had been
preparing my family for this move for the last 3 years and now I had
to postpone it. THIS WAS NOT WHAT I WANTED!!!

With this deep feeling of negativity, I sent out an email to my friends and family, informing them of my situation. I had wanted to make the
impossible possible, I even started a tozo for this purpose, but I
didn't do it.

So, to speed it up. I tried to do my best to salvage the situation, with my mind, and began to set up other plans about moving to London to
work with a group of private midwives there. Of course this was not
my dream, but I tried to console myself that I would have it next
year. This did not sit well at all, and while doing a home visit,
encouraging a fellow WD to go for her dreams, I knew I had to show
actual proof myself. That evening I went home and sent a heart felt
and sound email to the midwives in Spain. I explained to them how
deeply I felt about their type of midwifery and how silly it would be
for me to spent another year here I the UK learning things I would
have to unlearn a year later when I was there with them. Petrified, I
could barely push send. I chanted and sent the email.

When I began my course, my ideas of midwifery were very different from the reality of what I discovered. Kind and caring, for the most part,
normal British midwifery is heavily medical zed and in my opinion,
lacks a great deal of heart. I have worked with some amazing
midwives, but on the whole, it is part of the NHS, over stretched,
under funded and trying to give 100% care on about 30% of staff. But
working with the midwives in Spain was the complete opposite. There
mode of practice is my dream way of working. They are warm, joyful,
empowering, supportive and free. Although they work with doctors even
the doctors are alternative in their thinking. In short it is
everything I want to be as a midwife.

This is why it was so important for me to work with them. Although I will soon finish my official training, I have at least 2 more years as a
novice and these are the most important years, they form your
lifelong practice. The following day received an email from my friend
who runs the clinic this was her reply,

Dear Krishinda,

We received your mail yesterday thank you for you dedication,
thank you for being the person you are and thank you for the years of
contact and everything this has given to us.
Last night, I spoke to Maria, yesterday to the secretaries and
Angels, there was only one answer important for you to know
wright know:

YES.

Your are welcome to work with us you are welcome to our team, we’ll help
you to settle in Barcelona, get you homologation and midwife in
Catalunya and Spain (
these are the papers for me to work in Spain),
share everything we are and what ever we know with you.

(This is my favorite bit, because these words are spoken directly to my
heart)

Like millions of years millions of women have done: created a circle, put
you in the middle until you fell strong and sure enough to be one of
us in the circle dancing hand in hand around the fire and
caring for help and a accompanying birth and death. (AMAZING,
SO AMAZING)

The details will have to be transmits as go along and travel across land
and see via e-mail.
Money ins only a reflection of the energy you put in working with people
and giving them TLC.
Looking forward to hearing from you. Last Ortrud and the team of
Marenostrum.

Love,

Ortrud. This was more than I could have dreamed of hearing and all I wanted
to hear!!

So to end I want to read this encouragement from Sensai, which we read yesterday at my Impossible Tozo, which is from 2-5pm the last Sunday
of every month.

And this last one from an old American guidance book.

I want to encourage you all to never give up on your dreams, no matter what. I still have a lot to do, finish my dissertation, find a place
to live, move my family and much more, but I am determined to report
my victory to Sensai, so that he can know that my life and faith are
strong enough to fulfill my personal mission for world peace.

Thank you