I am going to honest, though it is embarassing: but the truth is I don't want to connect with the leaders of the area I have moved to. I have tried, I find them cold, non-interested, talking at me instead of to me and feel like a student who is not giving them the answers they want from me. The meetings for me are a place to go and be polite and return, feeling disheartened. Talking about it is dubbed 'criticism and slander'. So at this point I am withdrawing from all future interaction with gakkai here (feel the need to protect myself) and chanting about it. I have tried dialogue, but it hasn't worked for me.